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Copyright 1918 by Ida Helm Beatty 

PROPERTY OF THE WOMAN'S HOME MISSIONARY 

SOCIETY, OF TRINITY M. E. CHURCH 

OIL CITY, PA. 






TO 

THE LADIES COMPRISING THE CAST 

Who helped to make this little comedy a success, to the 

memories of pleasant times spent together, and 

the various g-ood causes, to which this 

playlet has enabled us to 

add "Our Bit" 

I. H. B. 



MAR 291918 ^ci,o 49218 



OVERTURE TO THE SOCIAL TEN 

By the Trinity Hairmonic Society. 
Tune — Auld Lang Syne. 

(Play throup:h first on combs.) 

Should Social Tens be all forejot, 
And ^ood times left behind, 
Should Social Tens be all forp:ot, 
It would be most unkind. 

Chorus. 

For Social Tens have cheered us up, 
And made our hearts feel glad, 
We'll ne'er forget in days to come. 
The good times we have had. 

In this old church we now can meet, 
Our friends, yet once again. 
So here we sing this song for you, 
In praise of the Social Ten. — Cho. 

The Franklin ladies we have heard, 
Can sing their praises too, 
And that is why we come tonight, 
And give this play for you. — Cho. 



THE CAST OF CHARACTERS 



Mrs. Willing Mrs. E. C. Beatty 

John Willing Mrs. Emma Philp 

Dignity Willing, High School Girl .Mrs. R. N. Hutchinson 
The Twins 

Hazard Willing Mrs. A. E. Chadderton 

Haphazard Willing Mrs. Joseph Metz 

The Neighbors 

Mrs. Borrow Mrs. A. N. Johnson 

Miss Sentitive Mrs. J. E. Thurston 

Mrs. Gossip Mrs. E. A. Whipple 

Miss Exclusive Mrs. Wm. Edwards, Jr. 

Mrs. MuUaley, A Wash Woman Mrs. H. G. McKnight 

Miss Persuader Mrs. Mary J. Unger 



MRS. WILLING'S BUSY DAY 



Scene — Morning in Mrs. Willing's Kitchen. 

Enter Mrs. Willing, carrying pans, spoons, etc., for 
baking. Sits down as if fatigued. 

"At last — they are all gone. It really seems some 
mornings, as though I never would get through." 

"There is John-^good natured, but he gets up when he 
pleases, eats when he pleases, takes all the time he wants, 
and always has plenty of time. But I, — it is rush, rush, 
rush, start Dignity to school, dress the twins, give them 
their breakfast, and send them out to play." 

(Sighs) — ''Well I must commence, if I want to get that 
cake baked for the Social Ten, this afternoon." (Rises.) 

"Where is that recipe?" (Looking through the book.) 

"Cream one cup of sugar with — 

Dignity come hurrying back. 

"Oh Mother, may I have a quarter?" 

Mrs. W. — "A quarter? Where is the quarter I gave 
you last week?" 

Dignity — "Oh that is gone long ago." 

Mrs. W. — "Well what do you want it for?" 

Dignity — "Oh mother, our crowd is going to the mov- 
ies, then we want to go to the ice cream parlor! Please 
mother, all the girls are going." 

Mrs. W. — "But Dignity, these are war time and I can- 
not afford to give you a quarter every week." 

Dignity — "Please, please, mother, I will not ask for 
another cent this week." 

Mrs. W. gives her the money, weariedly — "Now re- 
member, not another cent for a week." 

Dignity — "Oh thank you mother. Mother why do you 
wear such ragged aprons? (Starts out, powdering her 
face). 



Mrs. W. — "Dignity. I do not allow you to powder 
your face." 

Dignty — "Oh mother, all the high school girls use pow- 
der." (Goes out). 

Mrs. W. — "I suppose it would be hard for her not to 
go, when the other girls are going." 

"Let me see — cream one cup of sugar — 

Enter Dignity, much excited, and followed by the twins 
grinning and grimacing. "Mother I want you to make 
these twins behave, I'll not stand it another day. Every 
time I start off to school they say I am putting on airs, 
and — 

Mrs. W. (soothingly). — "There, there, daughter, never- 
mind. 

" — And if I choose to walk to school w'ith Jimmy 
Sands, that is my affair, you've got to make them stop." 

Mrs. W. — "Never mind Dignity." 

Dignity — "None of the other girls are bothered with 
twins, arid Mollie McKay says, her mother would never 
allow any twins to bother her." 

Mrs. W. — "Never mind Dignity, they will stop it some 
day," (shaking her finger at the twins). "Now children, 
you must be kind to sister." 

Dignity — "Kind, flounces out, followed by the twins 
mimicing her. They turn and look at their mother, faces 
covered with powder. 

Mrs. W. (horrified) — "Where did you get that pow- 
der?" 

Hazard — "On sister's dresser." 

Haphazard — "We saw her putting it on her face. She 
does it because Jimmy Sands thinks she is pretty." 

Mrs. W. — Children, childen, go and wash your faces, 
then go out and play, and never use powder again." 

Mrs. W. — "Dear, dear. I suppose they will grow up 
some day." (Picks up the cook book, looks at the clock). 
"There nine o'clock, and nothing done, where is that rec- 



ipe? I must begin that cake. I wouldn't miss the So- 
cial Ten this afternoon for anything. Cream one cup — " 

Enter John — "By the way Melinda, I forgot to tell you 
that Catchem, of the Great Washtub Syndicate, will be in 
town this afternoon, and, of course, we want to land that 
contract." 

Mrs. W. — "John, surely you do not intend to bring 
him here for dinner today, do you?" 

John — "Well, Melinda, I fear I must. It always pays 
to be hospitable ta him. It means dollars in our pock- 
ets." 

Mrs. W. — "But John, I want to go to the Social Ten 
this afternoon." 

John — "Surely, that will not interfere, so cook one 
of your nicest dinners, and wear one of your prettiest 
dresses." (Exit.) 

Mrs. W. — "Just like a man, on my busiest day." 
Picks up book. "Cream one cup sugar — " 

John (hurries back) — "Oh, Melinda, I forgot to tell 
you, but I met my old college chum and his wife last 
night, and I invited them here to spend the evening." 

Mrs. W. — Gazes at him. 

John — "I think some of that cake you are baking, 
with grape juice, would be very nice to serve for refresh- 
ments." 

Mrs. W. (angrily) — "John Willing, I am baking this 
cake for the Social Ten, and if you are determined to 
spring your college chums, and your sisters, and your 
cousin and your aunts, on me, and must have refresh- 
ments, you may have crackers and cheese." 

John — "Just the thing. A Welsh rarebit. Good-bye, 
but Melinda, do take off that ragged apron." 

Mrs. W. — "Ragged apron, ragged apron. If he wasn't 
quite so close-fisted in his own family, I could have 
plenty of aprons. 

Cake for his college friend. " — Oh well, I suppose 
I will have to bake another one. Let me see, where is 



that recipe? Cream one cup of sugar, with — looks up 
startled. (Twins howling). 

Mrs. W.— "What's that?" 

Enters twins hand in hand weeping. 

Mrs. W. — "Children, children, what is the matter?" 

Still crying. 

Mrs. W. — "Now Hazzard, stop that crying and tell me 
what is the matter." 

Hazard — "Oh, oh, I cut my finger, I cut my finger." 

Mrs. W. (soothingly) — "There, there, dear, do be 
quiet and mother will tie it up for you." (Does so.) 

Hazard occasionally wipes her eyes. Haphazard does 
the same. 

Mrs. W. — "There now, run out and play, mother's 
busy." 

A wail from Haphazard. Oh, Oh, Oh. 

Mrs. W. — "Why Haphazard, your finger is not hurt." 

Haphazard — "I knows it, (shaking her finger and sob- 
bing). But we's twins (sob), and you said (sob), that 
twins (sob,) should have everything the same." 

Mrs. Wj — "Dear dear, I suppose I must." (Ties up 
finger). "There now, run out and play." 

Twins, Hazard — "Mother can't I have a cookey? I cut 
my finger." 

Haphazard — "Let me have one too, mother." 

Gives them the cookie — "There now, run out and 
play." 

Twins go out hand in hand, smiling at each other. 

Mrs. W. (despairingly) — "Why is it, whenever there 
is a Social Ten, and I want to go, everything seems to go 
contrary?" 

Picks up book, reads — "Cream one cup of suger — " 

Mrs. Borrow hurries in, without knocking. 

Mrs. W. — "Why, good morning, Mrs. Borrow." 

Mrs. Borrow — "Oh Mrs. Willing, I know you are busy, 
but I am going to bake a cake for the Social Ten this 



afternoon and found out I was out of butter, so I came 
over to see if I could borrow a little from you?" 

Mrs. W.— "Why yes I think so." 

Mrs. Borrow — "If you have a pound, will you let me 
have that please, and I will send it back as soon as the 
grocer comes?" 

Mrs. W. — "I haven't very much, but I will give you 
what I can." 

Mrs. B. — Sam says, that I am the most forgetful woman 
he ever saw, but then I am so wretched all the time. Why 
this morning Sam had to bring me my breakfast in bed." 

Starts to leave then comes back. 

"Oh, Mrs. Willing, can I have a little vanilla? and 
there, I forgot to order sugar too. Oh thank you, I 
really do not know what I would do without you for a 
neighbor." 

"That Mrs. Adams is real insulting, she said she 
thought a woman like me, without any children, should 
at least, remember to order her groceries. Well, I see 
you are baking a cake too, so I suppose I will see you 
this afternoon. Good-bye." 

Oh Mrs. Willing, why do you wear such ragged 
aprons?" 

Mrs. W. (looks after her) — "That is the third time she 
has borrowed butter this week, and she never returns 
anything, if she did, I could have plenty of new aprons." 
(Sighs). "Oh well." 

Picks up book. "Cream one cup. Bell rings. Now 
who can that be?" Goes to the door. 

"Why good morning. Miss Sensitive, come right in. 

Enter Miss Sensitive, wearing a much overtrimmed 
hat. 

Miss Sensitive — "How do you do, Mrs. Willing, I have 
been out walking, trying to see if this beautiful morn- 
ing would cheer me up a little." 

Mrs. W. — "Cheer you up, what is wrong?" 



Miss Sensitive — "Why Mrs. Willing, I was down to see 
Susy last night, and you know, Susy is a sincere friend, 
if I ever had one, and she said that she did not like to tell 
me, but she thought I ought to know it, that Mary Sar- 
casm is a friend to my face, and an enemy behind my 
back." 

Mrs. W. — "I would not mind anything Mary Sarcasm 
said, her bark is always worse than her bite." 

Miss S. — "You know Mrs. Willing, it is so hard for me 
to get to church in time. I am nearly always late, and 
Mary said, if I would get up in time and start in time, I 
would get to church in time." 

"It hurt me so, I was never so hurt in my life. I did 
not think that Mary Sarcasm would say anything so un- 
kind about me. I simply could not sleep half the night, 
and this morning, I feel so BLUE." 

Mrs W. — "Why my dear Miss Sensitive, I would not 
feel hurt about that, you are not the only one late to 
church." 

Miss S. — "Yes, I know, but — Oh, I see you are baking 
a cake, are you expecting company?" 

Mrs. W. — "Yes, John said he would bring Mr. Catchem 
of the Great Washtub Syndicate home to dinner, and he 
invited some of his college friends in this evening. But I 
am making this cake for the Social Ten this afternoon." 

Miss S. (surprised) — "A Social Ten, this afternoon? 
Why I did not know anything about it." 

Mrs. W. — "You didn't, why that is strange, Mrs. 
Jones told me about it." But then — you know, everyone 
is expected, the ladies want any member of the church 
to come and bring their friends." 

Miss S. — "Well, I think if they invite some they 
should invite everyone, so I do." 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, Miss Sensitive, everyone is invited, the 
ladies could not possibly call up every lady in the 
church." 



10 



Miss S. — "They might at least have asked me, I don't 
see why I should be slighted." 

Mrs. W — "Oh, Miss Senstitive, everyone is invited, the 
ladies are only too glad to have a large crowd, won't you 
come over and go with me this afternoon?" 

Miss S. (indignantly) — "Most certainly not, it seems 
as though I am always slighted." 

Twins rush in — "Mother, mother, Johnny Jones is 
throwing stones at us." 

Mrs. W. — "Children, children, Johnny is such a good 
little boy. Now what were you doing?" 

Haphazard — "We wasn't doing nothin, we just had 
some teeny, weeny little stones, Happy and me, and one 
hit Johnny on the nose." 

Hazard — "His nose bleeded, and he was mad, he was — 
we was just a throwin' at a tree." 

Mrs. W. — "Children, children, you must be more care- 
ful. Now run out and play. Don't you see I am talking 
to Miss Sensitive?" 

Twins — "We'll just go out and tell Johnny Jones, that 
you said if he didn't stop throwin' stones at us you are 
going to tell his mother." 

Mrs. W. — "Here, here, children, I said nothing of the 
sort." 

Twins (going to the door) — "Now, Johnny Jones, 
Mother said if you didn't stop throwing stones — " 

Miss S. (aside) — "And to think I might have married 
John Willing." 

Mrs. W. — "Oh Miss Sensitive, if you had those twins, 
you would know what trouble really was." 

A knock at the door. Enter Mrs. Mullaly, carrying a 
basket of clothes. 

Mrs. W. — "Please excuse me a moment, Miss Sensi- 
tive. Oh Mrs. Mullaley, is this you? Come in (turning to 
Miss Sensitive), "But of course you are going. This — 
(Miss S. shaking her head indignantly) — Most cer — 

11 



Mrs. W. — "Oh, Miss Sensitive (admiringly) — where 
did you get that beautiful nev/ hat?" 

Miss S. (smilingly) — "This is one my brother sent me 
from New York. He said it was a Paris hat, but I 
thought it looked so plain, I took the trimming from 
three others, and trimmed it, and now, — I think it is so 
pretty. I like it ever so much. I am sure Miss Stone 
does not have anything to equal it in her hat shop." 

Mrs. W. — "I am sure of that Miss Sensitive. I have 
never seen anything like it there, myself." 

Miss S. — "I trimmed Mrs. Mullaley's, too." 

Mrs. W. — "You did? Well, yours is a dream and M!rs. 
Mullaley's is a work of art, you certainly are a genius, 
Miss Sensitive." 

Miss S. (smirking) — "Yes, I think I am, but Mrs. Will- 
ing, why do you wear such ragged aprons? I — ahem — I 
do not think John can like it very well, he is so fastidious. 
He always used to admire my dainty white aprons so 
much, when he went with me." 

Mrs. W.— "Well. I am sure." 

Miss S. (simperingly) — "I do not suppose I should 
mention it, now, but, but, John always said he thought 
I looked like a sweet little rose bud, in that pink crepe 
dress of mine, and with a dainty white apron, I was sim- 
ply adorable." 

Mrs. W.. — "Well all I can say is that all men have to 
be foolish at least once, in their lives, — but I wish you 
would go with me this afternoon." 

Miss S. — "Most certainly not, I know when I am 
wanted, and when I am not. (Tosses her head and goes 
out with a most offended air.) 

Mrs. W. (shaking her head) — "What a pity, what a 
pity. Strange how sensitive some people are over what 
is said about them, but little they care about what they 
say themselves." 

(Sarcastically) "A SWEET LITTLE ROSEBUD." 
Humph. 

12 



Mrs. Mullaley — "Sure, Mrs. Willing-, and 'tis mesilf has 
seen mony a one, with sich tinder falins, they do be for- 
iver gittin' hurt, some good hard whacks, be the best 
kind of raisonin' with sich folks, I'm thinkin'. Niver a bit 
o' blarneyin', wull do thim the laste good." 

Mrs. W. — "Mrs. Mullaley, I think you are right, a few 
real hard knocks will be the best kind of medicine." 

"But, Mrs. Mullaley, I thought I noticed you limping 
as you came in, what has happened?" 

Mrs. Mullaley — "Sure, and ye may well ask, Mrs. Wil- 
ing, tiz a marcy ye iver git yir wash at all, at all." 

Mrs. W. — "Why, what did you do, Mrs. Mullaley?" 

Mrs. Mul. — "Sure and I wuz passin' of the Chamber 
of Commerce wid de wash, whin what should I do but 
be a slippin' on a bannany palin, and sure but it is me 
fut is twisted entirely." 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, Mrs. Mullaley, and are you badly 
hurt." 

Mrs. Mill. — "Faix, and be the powers thot be, I am 
thot same." 

Mrs. W. — "Was there any one there to help you." 

Mrs. Mul. — "There wuz, Mrs. Willin'. Whin mesif and 
the wash was a sprawlin' there on the pavement, twuz 
the foinest gintlemon, who iver sang Killamey, coom 
rushin' over forninst me, and sez, he, 'Is it hurt ye air, 
Mrs. Mullaley, and sez I, 'This mesilf is kilt entirely. (Let 
me see, it wuz Mr. Mr. O'Dandy) and with thot he tipped 
his silk hat, as perlite as a goose on a hot griddle, and 
says, he, will ye allow me to assist ye to arise?' and sez 
I in me most magnolious manner, 'Tis mesilf will be 
grateful til yez foriver. Och hone, och hone, tiz a marcy 
I am living the day." 

Mrs. W. — Oh Mrs. Mullaley, I am so sorry, can't I 
make you a cup of tea? it may make you feel better." 

Mrs. Mul. — "Oi thank ye koindly, Mrs. Willin', but tiz 
me ould mon Pat, will be a bangin round with the shil- 

13 



lalah, if dinner is not on the table on the sthroke av 
twilve." 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, Mrs. Mullaley, I wish you would sit 
down and rest awhile, I am sure you have plenty of 
time." 

Mrs. Mul. — "Thank ye agin koindly, mum, but I did 
be a lavin' the cabbage and praties a boilin' m the pot, 
and tiz mesilf must be a gettin' home." 

Mrs. W. — "I do hope, Mrs. Mullaley, that your foot 
will not trouble you very long." 

Mrs. Mul.f — "Thanks til yez, Mrs. Willin', but I must 
be agoin'." 

Mrs. W. — "Here is your basket, good-bye." 

"Poor soul, she has trouble enough." 

"Will I ever get that cake baked? Cream one cup 
sugar, with." (A knock at the door, Mrs. Gossip opens it 
and says: 

"Are you busy, Mrs. Willing?" 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, No, Mrs. Gossip, of course not, come 
in." 

Mrs. Gossip comes in all out of breath. 

"Oh, Mrs. Willing, you always seem to have so much 
time, I can scarcely find time to breathe. I have so much 
to do." 

Mrs. W. — "Yes, I know, I really am surprised to see 
you out so early this morning." 

Mrs. Gos. — "I hurried over just as soon as I finished 
the dishes, I know you are such good friends of the 
Boneses, and I think you ought to know it." 

Mrs.. W. — "Why, Mrs. Gossip, surely there can't — " 

Mrs. Gos. — "Yes, indeed. Mrs. Willin'. Do you know 
that last night I was a settin' by my winder, lookin' 
out, — I never light my lamp, for I feel more secluded 
like, when I have no light in my room. Well, as I was 
a sayin', I sat there a lookin' out, when who should I 
spy but that young man a boardin' with the Boneses and 
who do you think had a hold of his arm?" 

14 



Mrs. W. — "Why, why, I really could not say, Mrs. 
Gossip?" 

Mrs. Gos. — "Well, it was nobody but Mrs. Bones her- 
self, and they stood outside my window as long as five 
minutes. It was as much as I could do to set still." 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, Mrs. Gossip, I am sure you are mis- 
taken, and if it was Mrs. Bones, I am positive they were 
settling- the board bill, or something like that." 

Mrs. Gos. — "No, indeed, for I heard him say, Mary 
dear, I am so glad you are here with me. Now what do 
you think of that?" 

Mrs. W. (laughing) — "I knew you were mistaken. Mrs. 
Bones' name is Annie. That must have been his sister 
Mary, Mrs. Bones told me herself, his sister was coming 
here to keep house for him." 

Mrs. Gos. — "Well, maybe so, but I think them Boneses 
are queer people anyway, they pretend to be so much, 
and Mrs. Bones cuts Mi*. Bones' hair, 'stid 'o havin' a 
regular barber do it." 

Mrs. W. — "No, no, that is not so, she cuts the chil- 
dren's hair, but we all do that, that's nothing." 

Mrs. Gossip, silent for a while, then^"This is a beau- 
tiful morning, ain't it? Oh, Mrs. Willin', are you bak- 
ing a cake, I thought you baked one yesterday?" 

Mrs. W. — "Yes, I did, but this one is for the Social 
Ten this afternoon." 

Mrs. G. — "Social Ten, hum. I don't believe I will go. 
They say them Home Missionary women go to the picture 
shows. Yes, and some of them even belong to clubs. 

"I know of at least seven women in this town who be- 
long to a club and they will not allow any one to join 
them, and they won't have any visitors either. Why, Mrs. 
O'Dell, who lives right beside me, she never asked me. 
No, indeed, I'll not go to none of their Social Tens." 
(Loftily.) 

Mrs. W. — "Why, Mrs. Gossip, you surprise me." 



Mrs. Gos. — "Yes, indeed, Mrs. Willin'. I ain't men- 
tioned no names, but I know who they are." 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, Mrs. Gossip, the movies are bad enough, 
but the clubs are worse. Why only think of it, the club 
fever may spread through the whole church, the women 
will be organizing the F. F. U.'s, the Freckled Faced 
Union, and the husbands and sons, will start an, an O. G. 
K., Order of the Galloping Kangaroo, or some other out- 
landish name. It should be stopped at once. But, Mrs. 
Gossip, I hope you will not mention it or some of the 
club ladies will be offended. One has to be so careful 
about what she says." 

Mrs. Gos. — "Oh no, I'll not say anything. I never 
carry any news. Oh, Mrs. Willin*, did you hear that our 
pastor. Brother Squires, was terribly put out about them 
Home Missionary women, who had the last Social Ten. 
He was positively shocked, to think that any women in 
his congregation would dare to have a show in the 
church. A show — mind you, and I know what I thought 
of it." 

(Meanwhile the Twins have come in and are much in- 
terested in what Mrs. Gossip is saying.) 

Hazzard — "Mother, what did Dad mean this morning, 
when he said Mrs. Gossip was an old trouble maker?" 

Mrs. W.— "Why Hazard Willing—" 

Haphazard — "Yes he did, yes he did." 

Mrs. Gossip (jumps up) — "Well, I must say." 

Mrs. W. (distressed) — "Now you children go right out 
and play, what are you doing in here anyway? Oh, Mrs. 
Gissip, never mind the twins, they really are not respon- 
sible. They do not mean anything." 

Mrs. Gossip (tearfully) — "Yes they do, Melinda Will- 
in'. I'll not come here again in a hurry, and as for 
John Willin*! — (goes out weeping). 

Mrs. W. — Sits down and wipes her eyes. 

"This has been a hard morning, and now that woman 
will say all the mean things she can about us." 

16 



(Brightens up). "Well for once she heard the truth 
about herself." 

"Such a morning. Well, — Cream one cup of sugar 
with^" 

(Telephone rings). Goes to phone. "Yes, this is Me- 
linda." Oh surely not." Oh John, can't you take her 
to the hotel, you know I want to go to the Social Ten 
this afternoon," — "Your mother is opposed to them, she 
says they are foolish, frivolous and what not. 

"Oh, John, do take her to Mary, she is back home. You 
do not need to bring her here this time. She can 
go to her daughter's for once. 

"I mean it. (I'm not going to be imposed upon all the 
time.") 

"Will I ever get this cake baked?" Cream one cup — 

A ring at the bell. 

Mrs. W. — "This is getting beyond endurance." Goes 
to the door. 

Agent, Miss Persuader. 

"Is the lady of the house in?" 

Mrs. W. — "Well A — Ah — yes, but she is very busy." 

Agent — "Am I speaking to Mrs. Willing?" 

Your neighbor, Mrs. Simpkins, up the street, wanted 
me to be sure and see you. I have something here I am 
sure you will want, and Mrs. Simpkins was so anxious for 
you to try it." 

Mrs. W. — "I really have no time this morning. I am 
so very busy." 

Agent — "I will only take a minute of your time, and I 
am sure you will never regret it." 

Opens her box, — "I have here some splendid articles." 

"Have you any children? Yes? Now this is a nerve 
stimulant. If you feel they are a little too quiet, just 
make a tea of this, and you will find it will liven them up 
wonderfully." 

Mrs. W. — "My children do not need any of that, they 
are too much stimulated all the time." 

17 



Agent — "Very unusual I am sure, but if that is the 
case, this depressent will correct too much exuberance in 
a child. It is the aim of every up to date mother, to 
keep her children in a normal state, at all times, so that 
they may grow up to be a power in the community." 

Mrs. W. — "Well, I am sure, I do not wish anything 
today. My family is normal enough to suit me." 

Agent — "Oh, my dear lady, surely you want some- 
thing. How about this mending tissue? 

Mrs. W. — "I have a good supply of that." 

Agent — I have a little of everything, for instance, this 
wrinkle eradicator. (Mrs. W. glares.) Of course I do not 
mean that you have any wrinkles, but' this is a preventi- 
tive." 

Mrs. W. — "I do not believe in using anything of the 
kind." 

Agent* — "I wonder if you would not like some of my 
extracts. I see that you are baking a cake?" 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, no, I have everything I need." 

Agent — "But see here, holding up a bottle, I wish you 
would try some of this Milk of Human Kindness. It 
makes a cake so light and delicious." 

Mrs. W. — "No, No," (shaking her head.) 

Agent — "Now, I know this Spiteful Extract will help 
you — " It will add a decided flavor to your cake. 

Mrs. W. — "No, no. I really must ask you to excuse 
me today, for this is my busy day." 

Agen1>^"Well, of course, I do not wish to intrude. I 
can call again. Good morning." 

Mrs. W. — "I must hurry with this cake." 

A ring at the bell. "Who can that possibly be?" 

Enter Miss Exclusive. 

"Good morning Mrs. Willing." 

"Good morning Miss Exclusive. This is a delightful 
morning for a walk, isn't it?" 

Miss Ex. — "Yes, indeed, I much prefer to walk and 

18 



do my shopping in the morning. I am not jostled by so 
many rude people." 

Mrs. W. — "Yes, I think it is much better myself." 

Miss Ex. — "Mrs. Willing, I just stopped to tell you. 
that as I passed the church a few minutes ago, I noticed 
a commotion, and heard some of the ladies scolding like 
everything." 

Mrs. W. — "Why was that Miss Exclusive?" 

Miss Ex. — "Well, it seemed that your twins went into 
the church and helped themselves to the cake." 

Mrs. W. (distressed) — "Oh, Miss Exclusive, I hope 
not. Why they were here only a short time ago, and I 
gave them some cookies." 

Miss Ex. — "Well, I saw the ladies driving them out 
of the church, and heard them tell the twins what would 
happen if they dared to shov/ their faces there again." 

Mrs. W. (distracted) — "Oh, what shall I do. What 
shall I do?" 

Miss Ex. — "Well, if they were mine, I would give them 
such a thrashing that they would be good for a day at 
least." 

"You know the Scriptures say. Spare the rod and spoil 
the child. At least, I think, it is Scripture." 

"But what are you having down there?" 

Mrs. W. — "We are having a Social Ten this afternoon. 
Oh, Miss Exclusive, I do wish you would go with me to- 
day, we have such nice sociable times." 

Miss Ex. — "I would be glad to accept your invitation, 
if they were not so common. I really do not think I 
could enjoy myself at a place where the ladies were not 
properly gowned. Why, I have noticed that most of the 
ladies wear only a shirt waist and skirt. Horrors." 

Mrs. W. — "Why, my dear Miss Exclusive, that is just 
what we want. We would not have it formal for any- 
thing." 

Miss Ex. — "And then I would not feel at home, where 
they serve only tea and wafers, coffee and cake or some- 
thing- similar." 

19 



"Why when I go out in the afternoon, my friends 
serve delicious refreshments. 

Mrs. W. — "Oh, my dear Miss Exclusive, we do not 
have the Social Tens for either style or display. We 
only want to earn a little money and give the church la- 
dies a chance to get acquainted." 

"I do wish you would only go with me this afternoon 
and see how nice they are.'' 

Miss Ex. — "I thank you, but I really fear they would 
not be congenial. I must hurry home. Shall I send the 
twins home?" 

Mrs. W. — "I wish you would. Miss Exclusive. Good 
morning." 

Miss Ex. — "Good morning, Mrs. Willing." 

Mrs. W. (drops on a chair) — "This is the last straw. 
Twins come in followed by the rest of the cast. 

When they see their mother, their hurriedly secrete 
a piece of calce. 

Mrs. W. — "Children, what were you doing down at the 
church?" 

Twins — "We didn't take any cake. We didn't take any 
cake." 

Family come in and stand together in line with neigh- 
bors. 

Mrs. Gos. — "Did Mrs. Willing bake her cake in time?" 

Family — "Oh, yes she did." 

Neighbors looking at each other and nodding their 

"Oh, don't you think that's fine?" 
Family — "We certainy agree." 
Neighbors — "Poor woman, — what a day." 
Family — "Oh, yes, indeed." 
Neighbors — "It would fill me with dismay." 
Family — "No, never, never." 
Neighbors — "Now let us pass the hat." 
Family — "Oh, please do." 

20 



Neighbors — "For dimes and quarters, and all that." 

Family — "And so will we." 

All — "We sure will do our best, and then, 

We'll all be happy at this Social Ten." 
Exit to tune of Auld Lang Syne. 



